Substitute, The

Tom Berenger seems an unlikely contender for Arnold Schwarz- enegger's crown, but he goes after it in "The Substitute" — right down to comically invoking Schwarzenegger's tag line by saying, complete with comic accent, "I'll be back."

But the movie — a vulgar cartoon that crosses "Rambo" with "Dangerous Minds" (or "Lean On Me" or "The Blackboard Jungle" or . . . ). — has a rather dubious message, which seems to be that gangs are bad but revenge is great.

In truth, however, the entire film is too goofy and ridiculous to be taken seriously on any level. In fact, the silliness of "The Substitute" escalates as the film progresses, so that by the end there have been plenty of laughs during "serious" scenes.

Berenger plays a mercenary with a team of trained killers who have just been bounced off a Cuban drug deal. They're looking for another job, but Berenger has certain ethics — and working for drug dealers is a no-no. Sadly, that seems to be the only job open to mercenaries in Florida.

But when his girlfriend (Diane Venora), a teacher at the local high school, is assaulted after a gang leader threatens her, Berenger decides to take matters into his own hands.

Using elaborate high-tech equipment to falsify computer data, he adopts the persona of a substitute teacher and takes over his girl- friend's class. There, he plans to locate the gang leader and figure out some kind of comeuppance. But instead, he uncovers an elaborate drug-dealing scheme that is actually operated from the school and overseen by the principal, a corrupt ex-cop (Ernie Hudson).

On his way to busting up the operation, Berenger begins to take teaching seriously and tries to reach out to some of his students. (He gains their respect by knocking a few heads together — Michelle Pfeiffer, he's not.)

And ultimately, Berenger's mercenary team is pitted against even nastier mercenaries right in the school, after which the school has been blown to smithereens and there are dead bodies all over the place. (Not that this is a lot different from regular school days.)

Berenger is adequate in his role; ditto Venora. Ernie Hudson tries hard but his character is poorly written (he likes to chant, "Power perceived is power achieved"), and several of the kids do well.

But the two characters who command the most attention are a dignified teacher, played very well by Glenn Plummer (who also gets the best line, as he describes Berenger's undercover shenanigans as "a joint operation between the CIA and the PTA") and William Forsythe, as an over-the-top member of Berenger's mercenary team.

"The Substitute" is rated R for quite a lot of violence, wall-to-wall profanity, vulgar gags (including a remarkably juvenile fiber-is-good-for-you flatulence scene), drugs and nudity (in a strip bar).