Rescue Me

In the new — but soon to be gone — chase comedy "Rescue Me," Stephen Dorff plays a typical teenage nerd . . . typical according to Hollywood, anyway.

Dorff is a second-string photographer for the yearbook at his Nebraska high school, and he's in love — from afar, of course — with rich, spoiled cheerleader Ami Dolenz.

The plot spins into gear as Dolenz and her boyfriend take a drive to the local creek for some skinny-dipping. Dorff finds out about their plans and hides in a nearby tree, with his camera in hand.

But at the creek, they stumble upon a pair of scruffy thugs (Peter DeLuise, William Lucking) involved in what appears to be a drug deal with a third party (Michael Dudikoff). When the kids inadvertently foil the transaction, DeLuise and Lucking take Dolenz as a hostage.

To rescue Dolenz and win her love, Dorff teams up with Dudikoff to track her down. Dudikoff, of course, turns out to be a sympathetic Vietnam veteran and the drug deal was actually just a stolen-goods deal.

Most of the film is about the male bonding that goes on between Dorff and Dudikoff, as Dorff comes of age. They camp out, shoot at the bad guys while chasing them to California and eventually Dorff loses his virginity to one of Dudikoff's many hooker friends.

This is pretty boring stuff, but the worst is yet to come. Not content with slapstick chase and shoot-'em-up action scenes, director Arthur Allan Seidelman and screenwriter Mike Snyder try to make light comedy of the scenes with the kidnappers and their hostage — including an attempted rape.

Toward the end, Dolenz, using her seductive wiles, escapes their clutches, heads out to explore California night life, linking up with a rock singer who spends a lot of time with her on a carousel.

Is this comedy or adventure? Is this an action picture or a thriller?

One thing it's not is even remotely entertaining.

The one distinction this picture does have is the presence of two second-generation actors — the daughter of former Monkee Micky Dolenz and the son of comic actor Dom DeLuise. And if their performances here are any indication of their talent, this may also be their last film.

"Rescue Me" is rated PG-13 but has an awful lot of R-rated material, including violence, profanity, sex and nudity.