Polygamy, abuse may seem baffling to kids

How should you respond if your children ask questions about the stories coming out of San Angelo, Texas, about abuse, polygamy and marriage of minors?

Sangeeta Singg, a psychology professor at Angelo State University in San Angelo, said some younger children may react with uninterest or confusion. Others, especially teens, may produce tough questions, she said.

In general, experts say that parents should answer only what children actually ask — honestly and with brevity — without delving into extraneous information that might confuse them.

The issues are especially thorny because they move through the realms of faith and belief, said Wilma Heflin, adjunct professor of children's ministry at Hardin-Simmons University in Abilene, Texas.

"Regardless of age, all children are growing and developing physically, intellectually, socially and emotionally," she said. "Sometimes we forget that they are also growing spiritually and that their concept of God is developing."

Events such as those happening in Eldorado may cause children to worry about their own safety and security, Heflin said. But they can also "affect deeply children's concept of God," she said.

"When abuse is connected with God and interpretations of what God expects or requires, children may lose their sense of trust not only in other adults but also in God," she said.

The most important thing for a child of any age is a sense of trust, assurance of unconditional love and a personal sense of security, she said.

So even children who are in safe, normal settings may experience fear and anxiety from news reports about events such as those in Eldorado.

Parents should emphasize that one girl, a 16-year-old sect member, "called and asked for help," and that the police and officials removing the children are "responding to her call and want all the children to be safe," Heflin said.

"People who are caring for the children who were removed are trying to show them what God is really like," she said. "They ... are offering them food, comfort and safety."

Tom Copeland, associate professor of psychology at Hardin-Simmons, said parents should not be dishonest when children ask tough questions.

"That's always a mistake," he said. " ... One of the basic guidelines is that if they're old enough to ask, they're old enough to get a real answer."