Strategies for dealing with ex-partner, new marriage

It takes patience and hard work to build a new marriage, especially when the ex-partner is still in the picture. And the ex-partner is going to be in the picture as long as there are children to be raised.

Several parenting experts from Utah State University have published a fact sheet about dealing with ex-partners in light of a new marriage. Scot Allgood, Brian Higginbotham and Linda Skogrand recommend three strategies:

1. Establish formal ways of interacting with your ex-partner. Your new spouse will feel more confident about your marriage if you set specific times to talk with your ex-partner and are friendly without being overly friendly.

2. Talk with your new spouse about your interactions with your ex-partner. Your new spouse may have helpful suggestions. Also, if you regularly talk things over with your new spouse, you will realize and appreciate it when things are going well between the two households. Then you can solve minor issues before they become come major issues.

3. Learn from the past. Your first inclination may be to avoid thinking about the old painful times. But if you and your new spouse can discuss what went wrong in your first relationship, you may learn from the mistakes.

—Susan Whitney