My name is ___. I am 9 years old. I use to live with my dad. But now I live with my mom because my dad abused me. I thought it would be a good thing but it wasn't. So I went up to my mom's house for the summer. I had a diary. When I was in the car from the Delta Center I was writing in my diary about sex. But when we had stopped at the gas station I was still writing in my diary and ___ saw me writing about sex. When we got home ___ told my mom about what I had been writing in my journal. The next day me and my mom talked about what I'd written in my journal. I said that my dad had been having sex with me instead of saying abusing me. I felt mad, sad, happy and surprised. My mom felt sad, happy, mad and surprised. She was crying.
One time when my dad abused me was when I had had a nightmare. The nightmare woke me up and I went into my dad's room and I started snuggling with him. He was awake and he started kissing me on my lips and he started to take off his clothes and he told me to take off my clothes. Then he kept on kissing me. Then he started to roll over and (graphic details) ... He kept on doing this for awhile and then he put me on the bed and we went to sleep.
My dad abused me many times and it started when I was 4. When he abused me I felt happy because it felt good; I felt confused because I didn't know what was happening; I felt terrified because I didn't know if it was bad or good; I felt surprise because no one else had done this to me. I never told because I thought it was good but it wasn't, it was bad. When I told I was scared. I told my mom that I had been having sex with people. I told her I had been having it with my two of my cousins, three of my brothers and my dad. My mom told me that she was proud of me and she was crying while she was smiling at me. Then my mom told ___ what had happened and then they decided that they were going to take custody of my brother and me. Later, the detectives talked to me and my mom decided to get me into therapy. Then I started coming to see Amy. In therapy we work on staying out of my brothers' room and not having temper tantrums and not doing any bad touches.
The last time I saw my dad was in June. I felt surprised, happy, scared, excited and mad. My dad still calls me every other week and sometimes I feel like not talking to him. I am working on telling him when I don't want to talk to him. My mom is still taking custody of my brother and me and I don't know when she is going back to court or if I'll have to go to court, too. My dad wants to see me again. It will be at a place where they supervise kids and their parents. I feel happy, mad, excited, scared, nervous and confused about seeing him again. I think my dad should go to jail for what he did to me. I use to think that what he did was good but now I know it was bad. I'm glad that I told my mom about what my dad had been doing and what I had done to my three brothers and two cousins.
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