Everyone had been holding out hope for another visit by Hillary's Husband, who, when not undoing 50 years of progress between the races, is campaigning hard for a third, fourth and fifth term. The talk, however, is that Mr. Bill suffered flashbacks to 1992 when Utah's electorate — apparently as deluded back then as they are it is now — were the only ones voting him behind that odd little rich guy with the big ears.

Charismatic O'Barack O'Bama cancelled his second personal appearance in Utah last week for fear of being upstaged by a cane. Instead, wife O'Michelle came courting Utah's black vote yesterday, but Jerry Sloan kicked her out of Jazz practice. There's still a chance, however, she can rally the support of the Carolyn Tanner Irish.

Arizona Sen. Father Time, the current GOP front-runner, considered campaigning in Utah but was prohibited from doing so by an arcane state statute banning appearances by candidates exceeding the state's median age by more than 60 years, or if trailing an Olympic demigod by 70 points or more in the polls.

So soak it up Utah. It's time to participate in America's bloated, broken-down political process. And isn't that why we invested all that money becoming an irrelevant Super Doomsday state after all those years of simply being irrelevant?

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Chuck Gates has overseen the newspaper's presidential primary coverage since the candidacies of Rudy Giuliani and John Edwards actually seemed to matter.