The devastation spills across borders. The Rwandan genocide led to a war in Congo that drew in nine African countries and killed more than 3.5 million people. Many were simply caught in the middle — an African proverb says when elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers.

The countries that have broken the cycle of violence share at least three things, experts say: good governance, a process for contrition and a path to wealth.

In Rwanda, the president is Tutsi, the prime minister is Hutu and Cabinet positions are split 50/50. President Paul Kagame's government is criticized for limiting civil rights, but many Rwandans say a strong hand is needed to hold back those who would stir up ethnic hatred.

Rwanda relies on a traditional justice system known as gacaca, or court on the grass, to try the Xaviers of the genocide. Once a week, the entire village is required to attend and everyone is invited to give evidence. Then a panel of judges sentences people up to life in prison. Verdicts can be appealed.

The trials can last hours, even days. The judges remind defendants — some free on bail, some in their pink prison uniforms — that confession brings forgiveness.

Xavier didn't believe it. He was sure he would be killed.

When a pastor stopped by the jail, Xavier thought it was a trick. After all, he had killed the pastor's cousin.

But Pastor Etienne Gahigi kept coming. They started praying together. The government announced that anyone who confessed could go home.

It took four years, but Xavier says the truth bubbled up inside him. Standing before the pastor and a government official, he confessed.

"This is something I could not do without God's help," he says, with the earnestness of the evangelical Protestant he now is. "Before I revealed everything, I was like an animal. But after I told the whole truth, I felt relieved."

The killers who confessed did what small penance they could. They worked the fields for the widows and built them new homes. But Xavier was still afraid to face the survivors in private.

"When you confess, you are asking that person for something," he says, looking to Cecile. "To forgive is to give something, and that is much more difficult."

It was close to impossible. When Cecile passed a Hutu in the village, she never made eye contact. She became angry when anyone spoke of reconciliation, including the pastor at church. She fantasized about revenge.

Then district leaders brought everyone together for a meeting.

"We sat on different sides of the room. I was nervous because I thought one of them would get a club and beat me or throw stones at me," Cecile says, looking at Xavier as if remembering him as a different person. "The following nights I had nightmares that the killing would begin again."

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It was Mayange that finally brought the two together.