Making a better Glenn Beck

"I took Thomas Jefferson's words to task," says Beck. "He wrote a letter to his nephew, Peter Carr, in which he stated, 'Fix Reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve the homage of reason than of blindfolded fear.' I told myself, I don't believe anything. I will only put those things back that I know I believe. It was like building a person all over again."

Beck dived into the task as only someone of his obsessive, intense nature would. He enrolled at Yale to study theology, although he quickly ran out of money and lasted only a semester. He then threw himself headlong into his own private study. He read everything he could find on religion, metaphysics, philosophy and the cosmos, buying a dozen books at a time — books by Einstein, Plato, Stephen Hawking, Billy Graham, Pope John Paul II, etc.

"I'd buy Pope John Paul's book and then ask myself, who would the pope tell me not to read? Well, probably Nostradamus, so I'd buy his book. It was the library of the insane," says Beck.

By now, Beck's fall was complete. He lost his family through divorce — he says his "spiritual journey" cost him his marriage. ("My wife didn't want to go that way; I knew that I would be drinking again if I didn't have something bigger.") He also lost his star in the radio business. Viewed as talented but temperamental and difficult to work with, he took a series of pay cuts and shows with increasingly smaller audiences, and agents refused to represent him.

His religious search and the fight to overcome alcohol got a boost with his chance meeting of Tania in 1998. She recognized his voice from the radio and introduced herself.

After another chance encounter, they didn't see each other for many months until Beck was about to succumb to the temptations of alcohol again.

As Beck tells it, "I got down on my knees and said, 'Lord, I can't do it anymore. I've tried to find you. I can't stay sober anymore. This Thursday I'm going to a bar and order Jack and Coke. Please, put a roadblock in my way.' I prayed hard every night until Thursday. Nothing happened. I went to the bar. I was angry. I'm thinking, 'Lord, I've begged you for help. There's no relief here. I ordered Jack and Coke. I took it in my hand and turned around and saw Tania. I knew she was my roadblock. She was looking right at me. I put the drink down and went to her and asked her if she would have a cup of coffee with me some other place. We've never been apart since."