The state is right to be cautious about placement, said Jacci Graham, director of a program called Grandfamilies with the Children's Service Society of Utah.

Children come to these extended families with wounds caused by physical or sexual abuse, or most often, chronic neglect caused by the chaotic lifestyles — almost always including substance abuse —of their parents, Graham said.

"These relatives can be set up to fail because often these kids arrive without having had boundaries or an adult relationship that they can trust," Graham said. "Often these kids have had to parent their own parents; some even delivering drugs to them."

She said parents, no matter how neglectful, have constitutional rights that cannot be overridden just because the state has placed their children with a grandparent. A child can be removed from the home, placed with a grandparent, and two hours later, the parents show up and take the kids, she said. "Or threaten to take them if they don't give them money or do what they want," she said.

"Many grandparents naively believe that a little note from the parent giving them custody will hold up with police or the court," she said. "That is absolutely not the case."

It is common for children who attend the support groups at Grandfamilies to tell how they ate out of Dumpsters, slept in cars or abandoned buildings or were left in charge of younger siblings at age 5.

One mother said she didn't want her children to watch her take drugs so she had the children go into a closet. There were times they were made to stay there for more than 24 hours, Graham said.

Most, if not all, research studies show that children tend to do better with a relative than in state foster care, she said. "But these caregivers need a lot of assistance to help them be successful in raising these emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically wounded children."

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E-mail: jthalman@desnews.com