HORROR

My decapitated hand (unless it is only heads that can be decapitated, in which case I should rather say my dismembered or perhaps severed hand) lay before my stunned eyes, not that the rest of me wasn't stunned as well, and though it might be assumed my first thought in such a circumstance to be "Expletive, expletive, expletive!" it was actually, "Who knew those Cutco cheese slicers were so sharp!" — Rachelle Snow

DARK AND STORMY NIGHT

It was a dark and stormy night — dark like midnight in Barrow, Alaska on the winter solstice (oooh!) during a power outage and stormy like a negative-tilt low pressure trough bringing (woosh!) cold air advection off the Great Salt Lake and creating afternoon convection (pow!) with associated thunderstorms with tops punching (boink!) into the troposphere when I realized (poom! poom! poom! poom!) that I miss Mark Eubank on TV. — Keith Merrill

It was a day of bucolic beauty or would have been if we were in the country, but we were actually in the city with high rises and traffic and air pollution, but it was still pretty decent weather and since the wind was blowing away from the meat packing plant on the corner, it seemed almost bucolic. — Diane Coles

It was like, you know, a dark and stormy night, because I was like, you know, feeling bleakly dark and emotionally stormy inside, because my girlfriend was like, you know, a weather-person, predicting, you know, that if our darkly bleak and stormy relationship didn't improve, you know, she was like forecasting, you know, a change of weather with like, you know, another person. — Neil Dickson

Sylvia noticed that indeed it was a dark and stormy night, although most nights are dark but not always stormy, and if they are stormy, they seem somehow darker — like the covering of a special dark candy bar, not quite brown or black, but a darkness somewhere in between. — Sue Wilson

It was a dark and stormy night, though some would be darker and some would be stormier, but our heroine could no longer tell the difference — so it didn't really matter anyway. — Cathy Jeppsen

It was a dark and stormy night, which wasn't particularly unusual, since all nights are dark, though some are darker than others, depending on the moon phase, and some nights, as well as some days, happen to be stormy. — Troy Jeppsen