Make your marriage even better

As a professor of psychology at the University of Utah, Victor B. Cline was involved in research that concluded there are 127 key variables that affect a marriage's success.

"There is no way you can find a person with whom you are a perfect match on 127 variables," he said during a telephone interview from his home. "You may have a good match in many areas, but there will always be some issues to work through."

So it should be no surprise that people will find differences they have to confront.

"Sometimes a couple will reach a point where there is quite a bit of disillusionment; they didn't realize marriage has bad days," he said.

He believes that people who know they will encounter difficulties may be better prepared to face the rough patches and then work through them.

The variables include temper, selfishness, sexual compatibility, spending quality time together and finances.

"Finances can be challenging. One of the partners is a spender and they spend more than they have. That gets them into constant trouble," he said.

Communication also can be problematic. The husband may not be good at communicating but the wife is, which becomes a source of frustration to her because she wants to talk to him for hours and he is not a talker, Cline said.

Or "some people have a temper. They're wonderful people, but they may explode or have an issue in that area."

How can couples manage their disagreements before they become a problem? They need to have the commitment and willingness to work on them in a kind and loving way, according to Cline. They should also use positive affirmation with their spouse. Criticism is a killer. "It has the power to really create problems in a relationship," he said.

If what you're doing doesn't work, get help. "What you need is a little mentoring," he said.

According to Cline, divorce is not necessarily the answer. "I see many couples who have solvable problems (yet) they get divorced. A lot of people throw in the towel at the first sign of trouble. What I know but they don't is if they would be a little more patient and a little more flexible, they could solve the problem. I can't tell you how many people I've seen on their second or third marriage, and they say they are far worse than their first marriage." When divorced people marry again, the chances of getting divorced are much higher, he said.

Particular hot spots in marriages these days are power struggles and selfishness. There are people who are not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make a relationship work and a family work, Cline said.