Mother can help pay for visits

Dear Annie: I am 63 years old, and my mother is 88. I am her only child. At the beginning of last year, Mom moved into a nursing home in her town, which is 800 miles away. Last year, I made frequent trips to see her, to get her settled and to check on renting and then selling her house. Twice I went for long weekends just to take her shopping for shoes. When I go, I have to rent a car and stay in a hotel.

I have a good job, but I only make enough for normal living expenses. My mother had several thousand dollars in CDs and checking. The proceeds from the house sale allowed her to purchase another CD and add more to her checking account. Mom also gets a pension and Social Security, but her bills at the nursing home are more than her monthly income. Eventually her checking account will be depleted, if she lives that long, and she will have to use her CDs.

I never asked my mother for any money for these trips until after we sold the house, and then I asked to be reimbursed for my expenses. At first, Mom was outraged, but then she grudgingly allowed it. However, she didn't seem to think it should apply to future trips. I just returned from a visit in which I took her shopping for clothes every day I was there. My expenses ran over $1,000, which I put on my credit cards, and she refuses to give me any money to pay for it. Am I being unreasonable? I honestly don't know.

Dear Daughter: Children should visit their parents at their own expense, but frequent visits can drain the bank account, and if Mom wants to see you more often than you can afford, she should be willing to help you do it. Don't threaten her, but it's certainly OK to say, "Mom, I can't afford to come next week, but I'll try to come next month." If she wants to see you sooner, she'll offer to lend a hand. But do keep tabs on her situation by phone.

Dear Annie: My mother passed away 12 years ago, and my father has been remarried for the past nine. This past weekend, all of my siblings were in town for a visit, and we took our spouses and families out to dinner with Dad and his wife.

I wanted to take a picture of the four of us children with our father — no spouses or kids included. My father's wife insisted she had to be in the picture. I said fine, let's take a picture with you in it and then we will take a picture without you. She became very angry and said she would be in all pictures that included my father.

I don't see anything wrong with four children taking a picture with their 77- year-old dad. Please tell me what you think of this situation.