She's also seen him forge his own way of interacting socially, since it's harder to just jump in. She's been impressed.

"He's taken the best part and moved ahead," she says. "That's been a profound example for me. He always finds humor in whatever he's doing. Life can get hard, and you either laugh or cry. He chooses to laugh, and that hasn't changed."

Rod's journey has been helped by a genuine gift for friendship. "He's always had a most perceptive humor, which is most visible, often irreverent and often very insightful," says Barnes.

He's fun and engaging and has lifelong friends with whom he still gets together on a regular basis. "His friendships are deep and well-nurtured."

The changes forced by cancer have been interesting to see, Barnes says, because Rod Snow was a "very voluble person — very vocal and very loud. He always practiced at a fairly high volume."

That volume has been turned down, but his patience and focus have intensified. And Barnes believes that the lower pitch also commands unexpected attention. "I think you listen more carefully to somebody who whispers than to someone who shouts."

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E-mail: lois@desnews.com