From Deseret News archives:
Post-office line is great place for reading
Unless you forget to bring along a good book
1. Read a book. Which is hard to do if you forgot to put it in your purse before leaving the house. Oh, oops!
2. Write a letter to your son who's on a mission in America's Dairyland, otherwise known as "Wisconsin" (state motto: "forward!"). Except that you also forgot to bring paper. Good idea, though!
3. Speaking of missions, be glad you no longer have to send packages to a missionary son in Brazil (country motto: "death to Argentina's soccer team!"). Yes. I know. It was always so much fun to spend $30 on postage for a bag of candy that cost $1.99. But still! You know how it is! All good things must come to an end!
4. Check your watch. With any luck, you won't be late for your doctor's appointment.
5. As long as you're checking things out, get a load of the sleeve tattoo on the guy standing next to you. Dude! It's totally impressive! Especially the bats-flying-out-of-a-belfry part. Where did he get the idea for THAT? Do people wake up one morning and go, "I think I'll go get me some bats on my arm today"?
6. Remember how you once got a fake tattoo for April Fools' Day and made your young children cry out with shock when you served them dinner? Ah. Good times.
7. Speaking of dinner, make out a grocery list so you can stop at the store on your way home from the doctor's. Except you don't have any paper. Good idea, though!
8. As long as you're thinking about the doctor, check your watch. OK. It's gonna be tight. REALLY tight. Maybe you should call to inform his office you'll be late. Except you can't because guess what? YOUR CELL PHONE IS IN THE CAR!
9. Start to freak out a little. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!
10. OK, start to freak out a lot. Who in America leaves her cell phone in the car? No one except you! This is just so typical. You have everything ELSE in your purse. You probably even have bowling balls in there, your purse is so heavy. But no cell phone. Or paper. Or novels to read while you stand in line. Why are you always such a screw-up?
11. Start listing all the other ways you've screwed up in your life, including the fact that you weren't consistent about giving your children their fluoride pills when they were young. Apparently you were too busy faking them out at dinner with faux tattoos.
12. Realize that none of this is helping, so take a deep breath. Not that taking deep breaths helped much when you delivered babies, even though they said it would. And it probably won't help much now. But still.
13. A lot of life is about waiting. And waiting and then waiting some more. So you might as well chill. (Hope this list helps ...)
E-mail: acannon@desnews.com
