Despite missing trinket, love can't be lost

Dear Harlan: My grandmother passed away when I was a freshman in high school. When I graduated high school, my parents gave me a diamond necklace and told me it was hers. We were very close when she was alive, so I very much appreciated it.

About a year or so ago, my parents were having the wood floors refinished in our house, so we all had to pack our stuff and move out into a hotel for a week. A few months went by after we were back in the house, and my mom asked me where the necklace was. Suddenly I freaked out; I hadn't seen it since I packed it away.

The only reason I'd taken it off in the first place was because it was summer at the time and I'd burnt the back of my neck, so it was painful to wear. I don't even remember what I told her, but I knew she'd be upset, so I made up some lie.

About a year or so went by before she asked again. Tonight she asked me again, and I couldn't produce it and had no excuses. I told her.

She's really upset. When I lost it, I cried for days. I never thought it would go missing. I apologized to my mom, but she's just so angry with me! I don't know what to say or do. "Sorry" doesn't seem to be enough. What can I do to help this situation? — Heavy Hearted

Dear Heavy Hearted: You didn't lose your memories of your grandma. And you didn't lose the love you have for your grandma. And you didn't lose the love your grandma had for you.

The necklace was only a reminder of the love you shared with your grandma, and that's something that can never be lost. Tell your mom how much you miss and love your grandma. Mention that you are so sorry you lost the necklace, but that you are so grateful you had the chance to wear it.

Besides, it wasn't meant to sit in a box. It was meant to be worn around your neck. Hug your mom and let this bring you closer together. And know that one day, when you least expect it and need it most, you'll probably find the necklace. That's how these things work.

Dear Harlan: I took The Risk and laid out my feelings for a man, who responded with "I'll have to think about it."

I was fairly confident when I took the chance, but his response left me wondering whether I had misread him. It has been two weeks. How long should I let him think about it until I realize I've been rejected by silence? — Still Waiting

Dear Still Waiting: Once you've written to me, it's too long to wait. Keep moving, keep meeting and keep risking. The longer he thinks, the greater the likelihood he'll lose the opportunity to be with you.

Here's something to think about: Do you really want to date a guy who takes convincing? A relationship is hard enough without having to constantly promote yourself. Call it whatever you want, but assume that the circumstance behind the silence is another relationship, a personal issue or a something you can't even imagine.

Give him a few months to get his thoughts together. Check back in with him if you're still interested. If he's still not thinking clearly, just keep moving and let him catch up. There's no time to wait.

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© Harlan Cohen

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