With all the talk about performance-enhancing supplements and drugs in sports these days, I decided it was high time to see what I could do to get bigger, faster and stronger.

I'm way behind at the moment.

Barry Bonds and Friends started their steroid regimens years ago, and it transformed middle-age men into superheroes.

Cyclists take EPO to increase oxygen-carrying red blood cells. Or they can store their blood in a refrigerator and replace it on the day of the race for an extra oxygen boost, whatever.

Other endurance athletes sleep in altitude tents or train at high altitude.

Football players and bodybuilders, among others, ingest human growth hormone.

Everybody is doing something; it's only a question of how far they will go. Some young pitchers are asking doctors to perform the so-called Tommy John (elbow) surgery on perfectly healthy arms, mistakenly believing it will increase the speed of their pitches.

One way or another, people are looking for an edge — or watching out for one. Oscar Pistorius — aka "The fastest man on no legs" or "Blade Runner" — is a double amputee below the knees who is applying to be eligible for next year's Beijing Olympics. The International Association of Athletics Federations has balked at his request and is performing tests to determine if the bouncy, high-tech, carbon-fiber prosthetic legs he runs on actually give him an advantage over able-bodied runners.

I don't need carbon-fiber ladles on my legs, or any of the legal hassles or health risks that accompany the stuff people are jamming into their backsides with needles. And I'm not storing my blood in the refrigerator with the leftover lasagna on the off chance that someone mistakes it for V8 juice. Wow, I could've had an AB negative!

But there are plenty of other legal choices, so I visited one of the GNC stores in Salt Lake Valley, where I was helped by a nice young man named Collin, the manager. I explained what I wanted. If I was looking for a way to get bigger, stronger and faster, what would he recommend?

He recommended four to five supplements, which he commonly suggests to high school athletes who come to the store.

"The first thing I'd tell you to do is to get on a sports multi-vitamin," he said. Cost: $39 for a three-month supply.

"Then I'd recommend a good protein supplement — whey powder," Collin continued.

Whey powder? Way weird. He pointed to a shelf filled with jugs of the whey protein. Cost: $50 for six weeks.