Redefining success is the first step

Dear Harlan: It seems to me that taking risks is something one can do easily if one is confident that the outcome will be good no matter what. But how do you take risks if you've never seen a good outcome? What if you're not confident that the outcome will be good no matter what, and feel that there's something wrong with how you're doing things? How do you build your confidence without success? — Steve

Dear Steve: You start by redefining success. Success isn't about the short-term outcome — it's about taking the immediate risk. Drill this into your head: It's not about getting the girl immediately; it's about meeting the girl. It's not about getting the job immediately; it's about applying for the job.

With every action comes a reaction. If the initial reaction isn't what you expect or want, investigate why and build from there. Ask the girl, ask the employer, and embrace whatever you're told.

When you're unsure of what to do next, turn to people around you who have achieved the desired outcome. If you get discouraged along the way, don't quit.

Dear Harlan: What would your reaction be if you received an e-mail from a 32-year-old you've never heard of, claiming to be a child of your brother?

My brother admitted to me that even he is not 100 percent sure the girl is his. I told the girl to prove it with a DNA test — which she absolutely refuses to get!

My brother will not admit his own doubts to the girl. Everyone is down on me because I refuse to accept her without DNA proof. So, would you accept her on blind faith, or would you insist on a DNA test? — Aunt Unreasonable in Minnesota

Dear Aunt Unreasonable: If my brother would call this girl his daughter, then I would call her my niece. Really, this isn't an issue between you and the girl, it's an issue between you and your brother.

If anyone needs to demand testing, it's him. If he refuses to press the issue, then I can't see the purpose in you fighting her assertion.

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Write Harlan at harlan@helpmeharlan.com or visit online: www.helpmeharlan.com. © Harlan Cohen

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