I applaud the efforts of Catholic bishops to support marriage by promoting kindness between spouses ("Daily gestures sustain marriage, bishops say," June 28). For all of the talk about the defense of marriage and protecting the sanctity of the institution, too many resources have been wasted on keeping wedding licenses the exclusive property of heterosexuals.

The lieutenant governor reports that more than $925,000 was spent on Utah's Amendment 3 debate about same-sex marriage in 2004. Millions of dollars have been spent in dozens of states to determine whether gay and lesbian couples are entitled to marriage equality. The nationwide drive to promote kindness between spouses could be much more effective if it had all of that funding behind it.

Utah's Office of Vital Records reports that since Amendment 3, the state's marriage rate has continued on the same decline that started decades ago. Our divorce rate also continues to be higher than the national average. Meanwhile, a bill to encourage marriage preparation education died on the vine during the last legislative session in Utah.

For all the fanfare and debate that it invites, marriage equality for same-sex couples will not increase or decrease the quality of marriages. Communication, conflict management skills, the age of the partners, attitudes and people's expectations all play a role in relationship success. Any efforts to defend and protect marriage should revolve around these issues.

Just as same-sex couples in Utah cannot wait for a marriage license before they work on strengthening relationships, married couples cannot expect that a license is all it takes to make a successful family. Until everyone realizes that the sanctity of a relationship depends on the dedication and commitment of the partners, resources will be wasted and all families will continue to be at risk.

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Will Carlson is manager of public policy for Equality Utah, an organization dedicated to securing equal rights and protections for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Utahns and their families.