Kids can speak out against bullying

Dear Abby: I am an 11-year-old girl in sixth grade. My problem is there's this girl, "Stacey," who is in Special Ed who gets picked on every day. My friends pick on her a lot, and it makes me disgusted because Stacey doesn't have any control over how she was born.

Today, my friends and I were playing a game to see who could get the most hugs, and I went up to Stacey who was sitting outside alone like always and gave her a hug. Then my friends started giving her hugs, and it made me so happy to see the look on her face! She was smiling with pure joy.

Abby, if you put this in your column, could you tell people that just giving a hug to someone who doesn't normally get one might make their day? Also, can you tell me how to get my friends to stop bullying her? Thanks a lot! — Hugs Anonymous in Illinois

Dear Hugs Anonymous: You are a wise young lady and sensitive beyond your years. The comment you made about Stacey not having control over how she was born is right on target. It also applies to people's race, religion and gender — other reasons why people face discrimination.

One way to get your friends to stop bullying Stacey would be to speak out and say that it isn't funny when she is being picked on, and to point out that what they're doing is cowardly and wrong and makes you uncomfortable. You are a born leader, and if enough people follow your lead, the bullying will stop.

Dear Abby: I recently lost my fiance to leukemia. He was only 27. I have noticed that the first words of comfort offered to me by people are, "You're young and pretty. You'll find someone again." Abby, my fiance has been gone only four months. Several people said that to me at his funeral and wake!

I understand the thought behind those words — that my life will not end because his did. But it was extremely inappropriate to hear something like that so soon after his death. I know I will eventually feel like dating again, but right now his loss is still too recent and painful.

How should I respond to people who say that? Please help me get the word out that this is no comfort so soon after someone's partner passes away. — Still Mourning in San Francisco

Dear Still Mourning: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. Your sentiments have been repeated by others who have also suffered a loss.

For some reason, when there is a death, people feel they must say something to "fix" it — as if anything that could be said would make the pain go away.