Custody laws put many in limbo

Michelle Poyner has a gregarious granddaughter. The kindergartner loves to play basketball and loves to jump in and work out with her dad when he goes to his kickboxing class.

When her bounding granddaughter comes home, Poyner is there with a hot dinner. She watches her while her dad is at work, even takes her to school, dance recitals and to the doctor for the occasional cold.

For all intents and purposes, Poyner says she is a primary caregiver to her granddaughter. But there is always a nagging feeling in the back of grandma's mind.

"It is what I worry about more than anything — something happening to my son and I would have no legal standing," Poyner said.

Under Utah law, Poyner has no automatic legal custody rights because the law does not view her as a parent. She and others like stepparents and same-sex partners exist in legal limbo, uncertain of their rights.

People like Poyner want to catch the attention of state lawmakers to make them realize that not every family has the perfect ideal of a caring biological mother and father who are married. In the end, they say, it is children who suffer.

"I think it's important for people to realize it's not just parents that take care of children, it's other people," Poyner said.

Poyner's son fathered her granddaughter with his girlfriend in 2000. The two never married. Although she says she loves the birth mother like a daughter, Poyner said the mother's lifestyle would lead her to leave the baby with Poyner for days, sometimes weeks at a time.

When the father approached the mother to sign over full parental rights, Poyner said the mother balked. The mother took the child and moved out of state. "She broke off all contact with my son," Poyner said. "It was like she disappeared off the face of the map."

In July 2003, the mother returned to Utah with the little girl. By September of 2006, the mother agreed to sign full custody to the father, preserving her rights to visitation.

But Poyner knows Utah law is not on her side. If something were to ever happen to her son, she would have little legal defense against the mother coming back to take her daughter.

For the time being, Poyner said the girl is just starting kindergarten, and her stable home life has allowed her to make friends and go to their homes for play dates. Still, the girl suffers from anxiety about being left alone.

"The child is left there with this big question mark over her head," she said.

Same-sex partners

For same-sex couples, in particular the partners of biological parents, the law offers no protection.