• Sen. Barack Obama also has not decided but has already assured everyone that his vacation will be more wholesome and filled with more hope than anywhere Clinton may go.

• Rudy Giuliani says that it doesn't matter where he goes, because wherever he goes, he's still mayor.

• Sen. John McCain won't vacation but will instead participate in a special seminar titled "How Grumpy Old Men Can Avoid Going Postal."

• Utah State Treasurer Ed Alter was planning to take a vacation, but then he remembered he's been on one for 26 years.

• President Bush will be returning to Albania for his vacation, the last place on Earth he's liked. (He was considering spending time in Utah, but after the protest against V.P. Dick Cheney down at BYU, he figured even Utah has gone over to the dark side.)

• Sen. Orrin Hatch will be vacationing in Utah. Last year during the campaign he discovered that this state has many wonderful parks and attractions.

• Sen. Bob Bennett will, as usual, be attending his favorite retreat: the Ichabod Crane Festival in upstate New York. He's been invited to be master of ceremonies.

• LaVarr will give himself a really exciting treat this summer by spending two weeks at BYU Education Week instead of one.

• Speaking of seminars, Frank will go to a posh resort for a lobbyist conference. Among the courses he's signed up for: "How to Convince a Client that a Phone Call is Worth $10,000"; "How to remind friends and family that lobbyists need love, too" and "Do anything you want, to anyone, because you can schmooze your way into heaven."

• Howard Headlee, president of the Utah Bankers Association, will teach a course at the bankers' convention in Sun Valley titled, "Manipulating Public Perception: Bankers Are Angels and Credit Union Activists Are Demons."

• Scott Simpson, director of the Utah League of Credit Unions, will conduct his own seminar, "How to Transform the Image of Billion-Dollar Credit Unions Into Embattled Victims That Need Sympathy."

• State Sen. Curtis Bramble is dedicating all of his summer vacation to thumping heads down at the McCain for president

headquarters. His guy won't win, but Bramble will get in some dang good practice thumpin' heads.

• 2nd District Rep. Jim Matheson will be spending his vacation in therapy, attempting to rediscover his "inner Democrat," which has been dormant for many years.