Don't be pushed from job that you love

Dear Harlan: I've been working as a personal-care assistant, taking care of an 11-year-old boy who has bipolar disorder. Since I started working, he's had only about five major outbursts at me. His mother and his sister possibly are bipolar, too.

For some reason, his sister has something against me and wants me to quit. His mother tells me I'm doing such a good job working with him and she doesn't want to lose me. My problem is that I just quit because of his sister. She has a way of manipulating her brother into blackmailing me. When he has his episodes, he abuses me verbally, telling me I'm horrible and that I force him to do things that I have never even talked to him about; he says he hates me and that he wishes I weren't his caregiver anymore.

It makes me so depressed and upset that when I leave, I'm crying in my car on the way home. My sister (who got me the job) is telling me that I should keep the job and that his mom will help me and sign me up for a class that talks about dealing with the disorder.

I don't know what to do! I don't want to keep crying, but I don't want to lose such a great job. —Loving My Job

Dear Loving My Job: Don't be so quick to walk away from a job you love. What you need is a mentor who can help you put these verbal tirades into context.

You need someone who can help you apply strategies to manipulate the sister when she manipulates you. You need someone to help you manage these challenging dynamics and not take this so personally.

Even the most talented people who are at the top of their field have coaches and mentors. Tiger Woods still gets coached. Josh Groban still gets singing lessons. And PCAs need to have PCA coaches.

Take the mom's offer and enlist the help of someone who can help you see that the tirades and manipulation aren't about you, but about a brother and sister who are in need of help and are acting out. There's nothing more rewarding than a challenging job. Instead of running away, I'd consider running back.

Dear Harlan: You're the one who needs help! I am of the same "faith" as you probably are (Jewish). I've been married to the same woman for 49 years (I'm 67, but look 47). Who can say what is acceptable and what isn't? A young man writing a newspaper column? Hardly. If things are such that it's OK for all parties, then it works. I've had three lovers, and all were married at the time. So don't preach your crap until you get real life experience under your belt. —Strong and Happy