Inmates unlock better ways to communicate

SPANISH FORK — When Daniel Watrous gets out of jail, he wants to be able to walk up to his baby's mom and have a friendly, positive conversation with her.

"I want to be able to have my ex-wife as my friend so I can be with my daughter," he said.

He just doesn't know how to do it.

And he says that inability to communicate and build healthy relationships is one reason he's in jail in the first place. He doesn't know how to get emotionally close to people so he pushes them away through anger. Sometimes too harshly.

"We need people to sit down and help us understand us," Watrous said.

Enter Josh Kaiser, a soon-to-be graduate of Brigham Young University.

Kaiser, who is studying marriage, family and human development, teaches a class called "Improving Relationships" to inmates at the Utah County Jail in Spanish Fork four days a week, with a double session on Saturday.

During the 15 sessions, Kaiser explains how to build relationships, understand anger triggers and practice compromising. He also talks about different communication styles — especially between men and women — and how to be a good parent while still promoting rules.

"Some of us have relationships that are severely damaged that will never get back to the ideal," Kaiser said. "But everyone can improve ... day by day."

Watrous and 17 other inmates from his housing unit attended their first class last week and were sent home with a "pre-test" to help them identify their current emotional status.

"In order to get where you want to be, you need to be honest with yourselves about where you are (today)," Kaiser told them.

For inmate John Thompson, that means admitting he builds walls to avoid getting close to people.

"Going through this process (will help me) take things and use and apply (them)," he said. "I've never known how to do that. I built a wall. (This will help me) break that down and let someone in."

The students in the class say fear and pride are the main reasons they haven't let their guards down.

It's also a matter of breaking out of their comfort zones.

"I keep coming back to jail because I can't function out there," said inmate Dave Wimmer, who has bounced in and out of jail and prison for nearly 20 years.