'Backside discipline' appropriate

Question: My parents were first-generation immigrants from Mexico. When I was a kid, they would spank me whenever I misbehaved. No belts, paddles or whips or anything — just a firm hand to the backside. I didn't want to get spanked, so I learned to behave.

Now I have kids. After countless timeouts and long talks, there hasn't been any improvement in their behavior. I want to blame the media or society but end up blaming myself for not providing proper disciplining. I'm fighting every bone in my assimilated body, but I have to ask: Did my parents have the right idea? I'd like to get your take on the matter before broaching the subject with my wife.

Lily: As a parent, I have to say that I have given the ol' "pow pow" on the hands to my boys. It's a firm swat on the hands or behind and it comes after I give two verbal warnings for bad behavior.

A few things to remember: Never do it in public or to cause some sort of show; never attempt to discipline a child in any way if you yourself are livid; and always make the child aware that he/she is being punished for making bad decisions — not for being bad themselves.

For the most part, our parents were on the right track. Their philosophy just needed a little tweaking. Good luck with your wife, because you definitely need to agree here. Otherwise, any discipline is out the door. Talk to her and compromise, because a child will reach any goal that YOU set before them.

Catherine: Children need boundaries. Very firm boundaries. Spanking saved my parents' sanity, and we learned to respect them quickly. I will let you in on a few of their disciplining secrets.

1. Spanking is reserved for deliberate disobedience. If children are just being rambunctious, timeouts and stern talks are appropriate. If your children deliberately go against something you say, let them know they will get a firm swat every time.

2. Delay the spanking. If my parents were furious and/or we were in public, they let us know we would be getting a spanking in about 20 minutes. They had time to cool off, and this gave us time to stew in our own anxiety. In exactly 20 minutes, we were called into their room and felt the consequences of our actions.

3. Give hugs after spankings. My parents adamantly emphasized that they were spanking us because they loved us. We hated this at the time. Looking back, though, the hugs solidified a warm, secure environment, where we knew we had to obey.

You are doing your children a lifelong favor if you give them firm, loving discipline.