From Deseret News archives:

LDS and single

Leaders counsel members to seek marriage

Published: Saturday, March 31, 2007 3:19 p.m. MDT
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"I laugh about it now, but at the time I was so upset and hurt," Faulkner said.

She didn't give up after that, dating two other men, the last of whom broke her heart. He was an inactive member of the church. Despite their differences, the pair dated off and on for five years.

But a failed marriage left him leery of trying again. They broke up, and Faulkner hasn't been on a date since.

"He was the one I felt I wanted to be with forever," she said. "I compare every man that I meet to him because he was everything that I wanted."

Hursey says he knows he should be married, but something is holding him back. "If I had it figured out I would probably solve the problem and be married soon."

He said the longer he waits, the more comfortable he gets as a bachelor. However, Hursey is determined to wed and said he'll propose to the next girl he falls in love with.

"When the timing is right and I've met the right person, I have no doubts it will happen," he said.

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But the process of finding the right person just isn't what it used to be, according to several bishops, singles and marital experts. Dating is now an "endangered species," according to Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the LDS Church's Council of the Twelve. Typical courtship in the past has been replaced by "hanging out" and online dating. Both new dating trends are worrisome, according to Oaks and other top LDS leaders in several recent talks to young single adults. Church officials declined comment for this article.

Instead of pairing off and going on an official date, most singles these days instead hang out in groups.

Elisse Newey, a 20-year-old BYU student, prefers hanging out as opposed to traditional dating. By hanging out, she says you really get to know people.

"That leads to better dates," Newey said. "First dates you put up a front to have people see you the way you want."

In a May 2005 speech, Elder Oaks counseled LDS singles to avoid hanging out and follow traditional dating patterns.

"Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage in some rare and treasured cases. ... Dating involves commitments, if only for a few hours. Hanging out requires no commitments," Elder Oaks said. With three major LDS dating sites, the Internet dating scene is now more popular than ever, despite a warning from Elder Oaks in 2005 that such sites "can be very dangerous or at least unnecessary or ineffective." Ginger Riggs, 42, tried online dating for about a year, and said not all of it was bad. She did meet one nice man, but they didn't hit it off and ended up being friends.

Recent comments

Jade u look HOT-SMOKIN-SIZZLIN'! I wish that was me u were dancing with.

Secret Admirer | June 23, 2009 at 9:18 p.m.

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Jeffrey D. Allred, Deseret Morning News

Kyle Patton and Jade Ozawa, both from Salt Lake City, dance at the Blacklight STOMP! sponsored by the LDS institute at the U.

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