Dating-violence measure stalled in Utah Senate

A casual greeting from another boy — "Hey Megan, good to see you" — would send Robert into a rage. Megan says if she didn't call him exactly when she said she would, Robert would "flip out," screaming and swearing. One time he showed up at Megan's house beating on the door. Later, he apologized to Megan and to her mother.

But the behavior continued and belittling increased. "Have you seen your legs?" He would make fun of her size.

"It took over my whole life," Megan says today of the abusive situation. "I was depressed. He put me down so much. I was 'fat and stupid."' The oldest of five children, Megan went from a good student to C's

At the end of her sophomore year, Robert pushed her against a wall and squeezed her arm so it hurt. Other pushing and bullying behavior continued.

"This is what you do to me, Megan," the boy would say. "I'm totally normal, but you make me like this."

"I thought he was right," said Megan, now 21 and a full-time student at Salt Lake Community College. "I thought it was me because he was different — normal — with his friends and with me 70 percent of the time."

The behavior escalated.

Once she says she surprised him by showing up at a party he was attending. He got mad, punching a concrete mailbox and screaming, "You (expletive) lied to me! Why are you doing this to me?" His hand was bloody and swollen.

Friends asked her about his actions. Once a friend saw Robert hit Megan. "The bad thing is that I would stick up for him," she said. She told her girlfriend, "He totally had a bad day and I told him I'd be there at 7:30. I can see why he'd be mad." One day Robert pushed her face into a door at school and made her lip bleed. "I meant to hit the door," the boy told Megan.

The young woman said that was enough. She told her mother about the behavior she'd hidden for so long, and then police. Police told him not to contact her, but he did, texting her regularly. "I'm in counseling," he'd say. "You're the best thing that ever happened to me."

To this day, he still sends her messages now and then. A few months ago, he saw her driving by and honked and waved. Robert called her later.

"He honestly doesn't believe he's doing anything wrong."

Which is why all the efforts by state and law enforcement officials to educate young people about dating violence are so important.

Allisa Black of the Murray Police Department talks about dating violence at Salt Lake Valley high schools. A girl in the audience sees herself in nearly every presentation.

"Everything that you've been talking about is happening to me," a girl will say. Or, "The last time I tried to break up with him he threatened to commit suicide."

In a recent six-month period, nine young Murray women contacted Black about violent circumstances with their boyfriends. "A lot of it has to do with self-esteem and self confidence," she said. "At the beginning it's OK, but over time, that person degrades them or lowers their self esteem."

Black worries about the "worst-case scenarios."

"There is control, jealousy, and at some point they freak out. Some people have the attitude, 'If I can't have you, nobody will."'

In 2005, there were three dating violence-related deaths in Utah. The 2006 Utah Domestic Violence Report, titled "No More Secrets," shows 2,483 domestic violence offenses committed against spouses — and 3,031 offenses committed between boyfriends and girlfriends.

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