Bradley would lie awake at night wondering why. Why his dad hit his mom. Why he yelled at the kids.

One night in about fourth grade he recalled saying out loud, "'Why, God, are you doing this to me?' I didn't think anyone could hear me. Then my dad said, 'Shut the f--- up."'

It hurt him to see the good relationships his friends had with their fathers.

"Why can't I have a dad? I want one so bad," Bradley often wondered. "There was a constant major emotional battle going on in my head and my heart."

Now 17, Bradley no longer lives with his father. His parents divorced after nearly 20 years of marriage. He's now free from the verbal, emotional and physical abuse that permeated his younger years. But he's still coping with the fallout.

"It was lifestyle," he said. "We always knew it was going on. I can't remember a time when I didn't hate what was going on."

Bradley overheard his dad cursing and screaming at his mom one day when he was 11 or 12. When the barrage ended, he said to her, "Did you know that's verbal abuse?" He figures he learned about abuse from the DARE program at school.

"I know it's wrong, but I hope you don't grow up and do that," his mother told him.

Most of the time Bradley felt powerless to do anything about the way his dad treated his mom, including confiding in a relative, teacher or church leader.

"To this day, I don't understand what it is about, not wanting to tell," he said.

In his early teens, Bradley became depressed. Lacking a support system at home, he turned to hard-core screamo and emo music. He walked school hallways with his headphones on, hoodie up and eyes down.

Friends and girlfriends came and went. He put everything into those relationships only to have them crumble, leaving him alone again.

"I latched on so tight that when it wouldn't work out, I felt like I lost everything," he said. Shame, regret and pain filled his life.

"The battles at night got worse and worse and worse." And he still wanted a dad.

Bradley promised himself early on that he wouldn't try to escape with drugs, alcohol and sex. He has stuck to that. Suicide never really crossed his mind, nor did cutting or hurting himself in other ways.

"I wanted a geographic escape," he said.

He found it at West Ridge Academy, formerly the Utah Boys Ranch, where he spent eight months. His stay included therapy and counseling. "I really don't know where my life would be without it," he said.

Bradley is back in high school and on the track team. He looks forward to college and perhaps missionary service for his church.

Turning into his dad has been on his mind, and it scares him. "It's always been a major fear that I was going to be like him," he said.