"The realities of it day after day for me created a huge emotional burden that, yes, drove my passion, but also left me with great sorrow and a feeling of powerlessness to change the harm so many children endure."

As attorney general, one of Graham's most powerful messages was to children.

Through Utah's "Safe at Home" program, she explained the fundamentals of abuse to youngsters: Abuse is not "normal" and is wrong, it is never a child's fault, the abuser can get help and can change, there are trusted adults who want to help, and many kids live in homes with abuse. If you are one of those children, the program reiterated, you are not alone.

"These messages sound simple, but most kids who witness abuse blame themselves," Graham said. "They think their home is the only place where it happens, or think that abuse is just the way life is and that no one cares that it is happening.

"None of that is true, so it is important that they are told the truth over and over again."

She pressed for years to get mandatory public school presentations about family violence in the curriculum. The best they got was the school program included in the optional "bundle" of course materials teachers could choose from in their spare time.

Today, Graham says no one has all the answers to why abusers hurt their families,

"These are victims who in most cases are loved at some level by the abuser. It is a fundamental, dark, baffling and soul-testing mystery."

She doesn't profess to have the answer to this mystery, but she has two decades of experience that foster suggestions.

In the 1990s, Graham used to do a presentation called "What Would a State Do That Really Wanted to Stop Family Violence?"

Simply put, she advocated state funding for a full-blown effort that would:

• Organize programs for workplaces, churches, schools, associations and neighborhoods.

• Fully fund treatment for abusers, adult victims and child victim and witnesses.

• Fully fund a hotline with specific intervention and referral information.

• And create a community awareness campaign with aggressive media support, touting the message that abuse is wrong and help is available.

Such solutions aren't complicated, but they can be costly.

None of that happened in Utah. There is no state program dealing with family violence, nor does there seem to be a will on the part of state leaders to even consider such a program.

In the eight years since Graham served as attorney general, no high-profile politician has picked up the cause for domestic violence prevention.

In fact, a brochure for Graham's "Safe at Home" program with her name on the front is still available at places like the Salt Lake City Police Department lobby. It was published in May 1999.

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E-mail: lucy@desnews.com; romboy@desnews.com