Advice for Universal — and other film studios

I'm not a studio executive, but I like to play one in this column sometimes.

And if I were in charge at Universal Pictures, I'd find whoever it was who bungled the release of "Children of Men" and fire them. Or at the very least I'd have them demoted.

The science-fiction thriller starring Clive Owen is one of the best-reviewed films of the year, and yet the studio essentially dumped it into theaters in January, with next to no promotional support.

Not that the film would have been — or could have been — a $100 million hit, but it certainly deserved better treatment than it got.

While I'm at it, here's my unsolicited advice to some of the other studios:

• DISNEY. Just stay the course, at least with the animation division. It's currently in the hands of Pixar chief John Lasseter, who clearly loves classic animation — and he has the Midas Touch.

• DREAMWORKS. Please reconsider your decision to part ways with Aardman Animation, the folks who produced "Chicken Run" and the Oscar-winning "Wallace & Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit." Sure, you've made the successful "Shrek" films, but busts like "The Prince of Egypt" and "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron" sure don't stack up with the Aardman material.

• NEW LINE. Kiss and make up with Peter Jackson so he can direct the film version of "The Hobbit." As he proved with his "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, there's no one better suited to adapt J.R.R. Tolkien.

• PARAMOUNT. Kudos on the decision to reinvent the "Star Trek" movie franchise by going back to its roots. With "Lost" and "Alias" co-creator JJ Abrams spearheading the first of these new-old movies, they should at the very least be interesting.

• SONY. If star Tobey Maguire and director Sam Raimi are done with the "Spider-Man" movies after No. 3, drop the franchise. Remember what happened with the "Batman" and "Superman" movies when they kept going?

• THEY BOTH STUNK. Speaking of the "Star Trek" movies, in last week's column I made a bad and rather big boo-boo. The column item in question discussed the odds-vs.-evens theory that states the even-numbered films are the best in the series.

Unfortunately, I mistakenly listed the ninth Trek, 1998's "Insurrection" as the 10th film, and the 10th film, 2002's "Nemesis," as the ninth. And as you'd expect, I heard from a lot of Trekkies or Trekkers about the mistake. "Nemesis" may be my least-favorite of the entire franchise, which puts a crack in the whole odds-evens theory.

• QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "The only films that get good reviews are the ones that nobody sees. I just don't think you can make movies for critics." — Brian Robbins, producer/director of such critically panned hits as "Norbit" and "Varsity Blues"

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E-mail: jeff@desnews.com