Keeping list of what passes the lips keeps fat off the hips

Have you ever been in a position of finding yourself with a couple of extra pounds on your frame that you can't figure out? How did it get there, anyway? This is especially valuable for those of us who have taken off a considerable amount of weight. I asked myself that question and came up empty-handed. So you know what I did?

I blamed everyone and everything else for the weight gain except myself. Since I got married right around the same time we self-published "Body Clutter," I blamed my new happy, marital state (eating more, enjoying a glass of wine several times a week with my sweet man). And while I was happy, I was also tired — I began getting about an hour's less sleep a night due to my new husband's sleep habits. I also had an issue getting my thyroid medication right, so I blamed my sluggish metabolism on my undermedicated thyroid.

All of these are contributing factors, to be sure. But do you know what the real culprit was? My newly attained hankering for takeout Chinese once a week. Oh yes, I love this place, and like I always tell my Menu-Mailer subscribers, the reason we only give you the menu for 6 days is because even God rested on the 7th day. And in my opinion, getting Chinese takeout was about as good as it gets. Talk about your easy button!

But I always thought Chinese food was relatively healthy. Better than pizza, I reasoned. But I just went by what I thought. I never really did the math. Until today.

OK, now for the moment of truth. Can I have a drum roll please? Here's what this "easy button" was costing me in calories and fat. Put your seat belts on, it will BLOW you away!

Spring roll — 200 calories, 12 grams of fat (an occasional indulgence)

Low Mein — 240 calories, 11 grams of fat

Kung Pao Chicken — 720 calories, 45 grams of fat

Fried Rice — 450 calories, 14 grams of fat

The grand total ladies and gentlemen is 1,610 calories, with 82 grams of fat!

This is for one meal. No wonder I've gained weight. I eat about 1,600 calories daily — not for one stupid meal!

For now, I'm swearing off Chinese food, as much as I love it. Yes, I know you can have steamed Chinese vegetables, plain rice and all and it's really quite healthy, but that's not why I order Chinese food.