Veteran's flag is to be honored

Dear Abby: You advised "Wondering in Concord, N.H." that "as long as the flag is treated with respect — taken down at night and not allowed to become tattered and faded because of exposure to the elements — it would be a loving tribute to (her) friend if it were displayed."

Although I could not find it in any flag etiquette site, it is customary that a flag used on a casket never be unfolded. It was folded and presented as an honor to the deceased soldier/Marine and should be unfolded only by God. This is a sentimental tradition, not a rule or law.

My husband has the flag that draped his brother's casket. He would probably kill before he would let someone unfold it. — Dawn in Hampton, Ill.

Dear Dawn: If I was incorrect in my reply, thank you for correcting me. However, you are not the only reader who wanted to weigh in on this subject, and the suggestions I have received are varied. Read on:

Dear Abby: I belong to three veterans' organizations. Most veteran posts, American Legion, AMVETS, Disabled American Veterans and Veterans of Foreign Wars will take a memorial flag and either fly it or dispose of it properly. — Robert O., Rice Lake, Wis.

Dear Abby: A better answer to "Wondering" would be to buy a triangular display case and place the very important gift of the American flag from the friend on the mantel or a table in his/her home. What a topic of conversation it would become in memory of a dear friend. — Respectful in Ohio

Dear Abby: "Wondering" could, if she so desires, donate the flag to a military cemetery. In Battle Creek, Mich., we have Fort Custer, a veterans cemetery, and I donated the flag given to me at my grandfather's funeral to it. There is an "Avenue of Flags" as you enter the cemetery, and it's a very moving sight to see all these flags flying in the breeze, knowing that people gave their lives for them. — Sandy E., Kalamazoo, Mich.

Dear Abby: After my father died, my mother donated his flag to a local memorial cemetery. Every Memorial Day the flags are brought out, pressed and hung on flagpoles lining the driveways and walkways.

Friends, family and the community are invited to a memorial service for all of our fallen men and women. Some come alone; others have family gatherings under the flags.

My father's flag has flown every Memorial Day for the past 23 years. It's a great way to pay tribute and very reassuring to know his flag is being cared for properly. — Veteran's Daughter in California