"I was going to do gift bags, but I was going to do them right," Zwicky recalled. The party had a train theme, so she got sticks and bandannas and made "hobo packs" that included animal crackers and bubble solution.

Zwicky said that party was a turning point for her. She helped found Birthdays Without Pressure.

What the members want, they say, is a general agreement that not every party has to be more memorable than the last.

"Why are we feeling the pressure to do all this?" said Julie Printz, another parent in the group. "Let's come up with ways to do this that's in your comfort zone and have a broader spectrum of what's acceptable in terms of kids' parties."

When Wyatt turned 4, Zwicky put on a much more modest affair: No theme. No gift bags. Simple party games involving milk bottles and pennies.

"The kids had a great time," she said. "That's the thing — the kids don't care what kind of effort and planning you put into it. They're kids."

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On the Net:

Birthdays Without Pressure: www.birthdayswithoutpressure.com