Basic Capitol Hill jargon for dummies

The legislative session is in full swing, and the rhetoric is already at a fever pitch. In order to assist our normal, well-adjusted readers who do not understand political code talk, we hereby offer another installment of "what they say/what they really mean."

• From the governor:

"I look forward to a close and cooperative relationship with the Legislature this year as we conduct the people's business." (My approval ratings are through the roof, and they have to deal with me or I'll crush them!)

"The Legislature and I have learned from our prior disagreements." (Those guys discovered in last year's Medicaid special session that I can embarrass them.)

"We need strong ethics reform, especially to curtail certain lobbyist activities." (But not so much that they won't get their clients to contribute big bucks to my gala.)

• From legislators:

"We look forward to receiving the governor's budget document each year." (The best use for all that paper is to soak up leaking automobile oil in the garage.)

"We Republicans desire a collaborative working relationship with the Democrats this year." (We have two-thirds majorities, and they are irrelevant.)

"I pondered this legislation long and hard last night." (I fell asleep reading this boring bill.)

"Many respected constituents have contacted me about this legislation." (My wife and nosy brother-in-law will not leave me alone on this matter.)

"Every day I am reminded of the sacrifice we legislators make for the public good." (It irritates me how much money those lobbyists make!)

"Our differences with the other chamber can be frustrating, but the result is better legislation and good government." (Can't we just eliminate those jerks through a constitutional amendment?)

"It's just a simple bill." (No one has a clue what this really does.)

"My bill has broad bipartisan support." (It's so innocuous that no one really cares.)

"I rise to propose a minor amendment." (Pass this and the bill is gutted.)

"That news report distorted my position." (I'm so thrilled to have my name in the paper.)

"I rise for a point of clarification." (I've just been out-maneuvered and am about to lose a vote.)