Leaders' real resolutions — unmasked

Memo to cherished readers: Stay out of trouble tonight and may all your dreams come true in the new year. The year 2007 is an off-year for politics, but it won't seem that way because the presidential campaign will be in full swing and we'll have very interesting mayoral races in Salt Lake City and Ogden.

Meanwhile, 'tis the season to seriously evaluate one's life and establish signed-in-blood resolutions and goals for the new year. We know many politicos are setting lofty personal and political goals, like to lose weight, eat less chocolate, reduce global warming and establish world peace.

• New Morning News Editor Joe Cannon: Resolve NOT to replace Pignanelli & Webb with real columnist Holly Mullen, who dumped the Tribune and is looking for work.

• Also for Cannon: If he does fire Pignanelli & Webb, resolve to give them a REALLY BIG severance package.

• Salt Lake Tribune: Resolve to replace Mullen with a conservative columnist so they're not all a bunch of old-fashioned liberals over there.

• Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr.: Match 2006's great PR. Nothing like a few trips to see the troops and adopting a child from India to keep the approval ratings in the stratosphere.

• Also for Huntsman: Resolve to bolster Sen. John McCain's presidential campaign by verifying to national news media that, yep, Mitt Romney's religion really is weird.

• Huntsman PR Czar Mike Mower: Resolve to use his upcoming wedding and honeymoon as a publicity stunt to get more good PR for the governor.

• Sen. Orrin Hatch: Write a new song, "The Minority Party Blues."

• Utah Senate President John Valentine: Resolve to attach a remote-control electric shock collar around the neck of new Majority Leader Curt Bramble — and use it frequently.

• House Speaker Greg Curtis: Find a way to help Huntsman believe that he really will have influence during the upcoming legislative session.

• Curt Bramble: Refrain from shouting in large crowds King Louis XIV's famous self-description: "The state, it is I!"