Touching 'Goodbyes' is filled with insight by families of gays

NO MORE GOODBYES: CIRCLING THE WAGONS AROUND OUR GAY LOVED ONES, by Carol Lynn Pearson, Pivot Point Books, 290 pgs., $14.95

Twenty years after publishing her landmark book "Goodbye, I Love You," Carol Lynn Pearson has written an all new follow-up, based largely on hundreds of cards, letters and e-mails she has received over the years in response to the earlier book.

"No More Goodbyes," subtitled, "Circling the Wagons Around Our Gay Loved Ones," provides an interesting — and disturbing — perspective on the gay culture two decades later. Most of the stories and short pieces in the book deal with families within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but there are also a number of comments and reactions from those of other faiths.

The "circling the wagons" metaphor cuts two ways — there are parents, families and friends who circle around their homosexual relatives to create a safety net of love and support, while there are others who "circle the wagons" in an effort to keep "that kind" of unwanted people at bay.

In a chapter titled "Then and Now," Pearson writes this: "Here we are, 20 years after the publication of 'Goodbye, I Love You.' A lot has happened in those years, both in society and in our churches, as we have continued to struggle with the difficult issue of homosexuality. Pain is still very much with us. Unfortunate and unnecessary goodbyes are still being said."

Her book is filled with touching stories and insights passed along to her by friends and strangers: a Presbyterian mother in Walnut Creek, Calif. (where Pearson lives) ... a Hawaiian resident kicked out of his Utah home six years earlier but finally making peace with his father ... Utah businessman Bruce Bastian and his uneasy journey to self-acceptance. The bits and pieces in Pearson's book range from tender and triumphant to tragic.

In the end, like modern-day pioneers, many individuals and families dealing with the struggle "are still on the plains. I am asking you to load up the wagons. You can do it without fully understanding, even without fully 'approving.' You have the supplies, parcels of love, compassion, encouragement, respect, good information and humility in knowing that there is much we have yet to learn.

"The call goes out not only to the Mormon part of God's family but to every other Christian, to Jews, to Muslims, to Buddhists, to Hindus, to all our cousins everywhere."

At the end of the 290-page book, Pearson lists several handy resources for parents, children and others, including organizations and support groups.

For now, "No More Goodbyes" is primarily being sold through the www.nomoregoodbyes.com Web site. It is also available at four Wasatch Front bookstores — Sam Weller's, Frost's, Benchmark Books and Wise Bird Bookery in Ogden.

---

E-mail: ivan@desnews.com