If Democrats and Romney's rivals had any familiarity with the local culture, they would have laughed at that newspaper report. There are some things Mormons will do quickly, but usually it involves food, or helping neighbors in need, which are sometimes the same thing.

It's not that they won't do anything; it's that they try to do everything. They'll get around to doing what they're asked to do, usually near the end of the month or when the five kids are grown, whichever comes first.

Anyway, last week's Globe article pretty much set the tone for the 2006 election. Romney won't be a candidate for president; he'll be the Mormon Candidate for president. The tone of the Globe story seemed to be, How Dare a Mormon Rally Other Mormons to Help Put Him in the White House. Romney's reaction: Of course.

LDS Church members better get used to it. If Romney runs for office, they'll be dissected, studied, put on 60 Minutes (again) and scrutinized like lab rats. And you can expect the usual run of tired gags about, oh, Jell-O and cheesy potato casserole on the White House menu, Relief Society homemaking night in the Green Room and visiting teachers in the Blue Room. It will involve a lot of education. Republicans will be disappointed to learn that Romney was not a steak president, but a stake president. Someone will have to explain "home teaching" and why it's dangerous to be on neighborhood streets on the 30th or 31st of any month.

If Romney wins the presidency, the local Elders Quorum will move him into the White House, of course. Any volunteers to bring the "treats"?

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Doug Robinson's column runs on Tuesdays. Please e-mail drob@desnews.com.