Buchwald's 'Too Soon' lively, sad — and funny

TOO SOON TO SAY GOODBYE, by Art Buchwald, Random House, 186 pages, $17.29

Art Buchwald, longtime political satirist and author of 30 books, lost a leg early this year, and then his kidneys failed. Adamantly rejecting the possibility of daily dialysis to keep him alive indefinitely, the 80-year-old humorist decided to die, and with the help of his family he checked into the Washington Home and Hospice in Northwest Washington, D.C., and prepared for the last week or two of his life.

The hospice is small, with 14 beds. When his friends heard about his plight, they rushed there to visit him. Everyone told stories and had a good time reminiscing.

And then Buchwald's kidneys began working again. So instead of two weeks, his stay in the hospice extended to months. Finally, after the second month, he decided to start writing his Washington Post column again, which triggered a phone call from Random House.

The editor wanted him to write a book about "the man who would not die." He hadn't considered it, but he agreed. The result is "Too Soon to Say Goodbye," a lively, sad, funny book about the life and almost-death of a famous writer.

His informative columns about the hospice also earned him an award from the National Hospice Association.

Buchwald's style has always been spare, conversational and ironic. He runs true to form in this book, in which he slyly pokes fun at himself more than he does others — with lots of exaggeration. The book is fun and moving at the same time.

He writes about sending out to McDonald's for milkshakes and hamburgers, and about friends bringing him home-cooked meals, treats from the delicatessen, frozen yogurt and Haagen Dazs Ice Cream.

He writes about his best friend, Mike Wallace, and the grudges he refuses to give up: "They make me feel warm inside."

In response to those eternal questions: "What am I doing here?" and "Where am I going?" Buchwald writes that he was put on earth "to make people laugh." But the second question gives him trouble. "I have no idea where I am going," he writes, "and no one else knows. And if they claim they know, they don't know what the hell they are talking about."

Some people will be surprised to learn that one of Buchwald's visitors was Donald Rumsfeld, President Bush's secretary of defense, who is in his 70s. They used to play tennis together.

Another visitor was Ambassador Joe Wilson, "the one who went to Niger for the CIA to find out if they were selling uranium to Iraq. Wilson's wife, Valerie Plame, was a CIA agent." Both became well-known after columnist Robert Novak identified Plame. Buchwald writes that Plame also visited, and "it isn't important, but she is very beautiful."

When asked what he would miss most when he died, Buchwald responded, "Global warming."

He never realized how many "perks" were associated with dying. "I have to be honest; I've enjoyed every minute of it."

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E-mail: dennis@desnews.com