Panel of moms describes LDS woes

Though LDS doctrine and rhetoric exalt the role of mothers, the day-to-day reality for many is that they don't find support within the faith unless they live the "ideal" of staying home with their children, a panel of mothers said.

Some see the disconnect as deliberate, while others view it as more a lack of localized adaptation within church programs, according to panelists at the annual Mormon Women's Forum. They addressed the topic "How Well Does the LDS Church Support Real Mothers," at the University of Utah on Saturday.

The four panelists were all members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, professional women with children, whose wide variety of life experience underscored their various perspectives on the issue.

Jennifer Moore, a senior attorney with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission in Salt Lake City, said she enjoyed married life within the LDS Church while living in New York City — until her husband acknowledged he is gay.

She was newly pregnant, and the revelation — and subsequent futile prayers for his change of orientation — shattered her world, she said. As a result of dealing with life as a single mother, she said she believes the church supports mothers, "but not all mothers."

After she and her husband had felt pressured by fellow members to have children, she was further devastated when her stake president at the time suggested she consider putting their child up for adoption.

She said she felt support in her desire to remarry, but the church was of no help "for single parents trying to find a new spouse," she said, adding that she felt so marginalized as a single mother that it became easier to go to the park on Sunday than to attend church.

She finally married a man who didn't know anything about Utah or Latter-day Saints and said she is frustrated by the attitude that women must simply depend on their husbands for financial support. She was able to provide for her family alone, but noted many LDS women who find themselves single parents don't have that option because they've been encouraged to stay at home with their children.

Such women "are blessed" by support and acceptance, "but the majority who must hold real wage-earning jobs" are treated as less than ideal.

Kristy Finlayson, a mother of three, said she grew up with the LDS ideal of being a stay-at-home mother but found herself asking questions about why she couldn't exercise authority to bless her children or her friends. The concept of a heavenly mother being intimately involved with her children is one she said is subdued and largely ignored in LDS doctrine and practice.

"There's a disparity between what church leaders say about motherhood and any identity of mother in heaven," she said.