Ex-NFL player relates stress of hiding his gay lifestyle

Playing in the Super Bowl should have been the best experience of Esero Tuaolo's life, but there was something missing.

While other members of the 1999 Atlanta Falcons team proudly introduced their wives and children to the coach before the game, Tuaolo was alone. After losing the game, Tuaolo quietly gave a signal for his gay partner to meet him in his room.

"It was the best day of my life and the worst," he told students at the University of Utah Wednesday, National Coming Out Day. The day, part of the U.'s Pride events, encourages gays and lesbians to live proudly, openly and honestly.

Tuaolo said he was a young child when he first "saw the rage" of boys beating up someone because they said he was "gay."

He saw himself in the frail boy who was being attacked because other boys said he wanted to play with dolls.

"I took that child within me and I threw him in the closet," Tualo said. "That was the day I started acting."

For years, Tuaolo was terrified that his secret would be discovered and that his career as a linebacker would be over. He worried that if the other players knew, they would try to take him out, maybe go for his knees.

So Tuaolo put up with derogatory comments about gays and women in the locker room. He smiled at jokes that repulsed him. He dated women.

Then, after he retired from the National Football League, he finally came out. He and his longtime partner have adopted two children. He can finally smile for real.

"Now that I'm free, now we walk down the streets and everybody knows we are a family," he said. "We came out for our children, for our lives."

Also Wednesday, the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Community Center of Utah held a "Coming Out Day" breakfast. It was announced at the event that the center has changed its name to the Utah Pride Center.

Valarie Larabee, executive director of the center, said one reason for the name change is "we are working to bring a new sense of identity to our community."

"Pride" is also very recognizable, she said, and the center sponsors Salt Lake's annual Pride Festival.

Larabee said the center is also starting a new focus of bringing services to rural areas and to serving the population age 55 and up. The center is working with people living in St. George to bring youth services there and is also working with an organization in Ogden.

"We see a lot of suffering in rural areas," she said.

Pride at the U. continues through Oct. 25. For a full schedule of events, visit www.sa.utah.edu/lgbt. For more information on the Pride Center, visit: www.glbtccu.org.

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E-mail: dbulkeley@desnews.com