When you finally have reached the absolute bottom and you think there is no place to go, there are always two more places.

You can give up entirely and be planted six feet under or you can scream out for help and start pulling yourself up.

You have a choice. The difference is you have to get mad and scream and not give up.

Anger is not a bad emotion. As women, we have been taught to just take it and not explode. Exploding with anger is rage, and rage is not OK, but giving yourself permission to be upset and angry is a good thing as is telling the person you are angry at about it. When you keep it in it is like poison. So what do we do to ourselves? We turn anger into sad, and we feel sorry for ourselves for being mistreated. Then what? The anger goes to sad and then to depression. We eat to make the hurt go away or sleep to avoid.

It is all our perfectionism again sandwiched with that procrastination that paralyzes us into depression. I can see you all shaking your heads at me. "How can perfectionism be the foundation to my feeling bad?" Well, here is how it all fits together.

When something goes wrong in our lives and we can't fix it; what do we do. We can't fix it to make it right again or we can't change the other person; we want everything back the way it was. Do you see the perfectionism rearing its ugly head? We do everything in our power to control the issues. And make it all better. Only to be shot down time and time again. So if we can't do it right, what do we do? We were taught to do nothing. I wish that was all we would do, but we turn it inward to abuse ourselves.

When we are unable to fix things we begin to feel guilty because of our inability to make things right or perfect. We then start to beat ourselves up. It is bad enough when we have been abused by others but now we are abusing ourselves.

This is why anger is good. It is focused toward someone else and not yourself. Now, it is not good to be angry all the time, because you are in fight-or-flight mode, and when you really need to scream out for help you will not be able to. Adrenaline is an amazing body chemical. It is a power surge that supplies the energy right when you need it. This is how a mother can lift a car off of a child. I have said it many times: "Too much of a good thing can be bad for you." Try eating a whole chocolate cake.

I have a good supply of adrenaline now. At one time I was totally depleted of my resources. I used them all up by always being upset and walking on eggshells. The adrenaline kept me from feeling what was happening inside my own body. It was a drug.

Anger can free you if used sparingly. Focus justified anger toward what is making you angry, not at yourself. Do what you need to do to take care of the situation. Don't turn it inward to punish yourself when you can't fix it. You are not responsible for anyone but you. Let go of the guilt, pain and stress. Be good to yourself by getting angry at the right person. Then let it go and get on with your life. You have a job to do. And if you stick around, the breeze will come your way and you will set out on your journey.

So what anger have you been turning inward?

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For more help getting rid of your CHAOS; check out: www.flylady.net. Also see Cilley's book, "Sink Reflections" and her new book, "Body Clutter." Copyright 2006 Marla Cilley. Used by permission in this publication.