Lonely husband feeling excluded

Dear Annie: My wife (I will call her "Carlene") has really got me stumped. We have been married for 16 years, and everything was fine until just recently.

Carlene seems to be spending a lot of time with her family, and she doesn't include me. Two months ago, she went on a trip with her sister and niece for three days. I was not invited. Her brother asked her to go with him and his family on a day trip to an exhibit for kids. They only had three tickets, so I couldn't go.

I told Carlene that if I am not invited to these events, she shouldn't go, but she goes anyway. Whenever a member of her family calls, she's right there, but when I want to do something, she says it's a dumb idea.

Carlene joined a health club last year. She used to be insecure and would never go anywhere, but now she acts like she's single, and her family is treating her that way. We have been arguing about this constantly and have talked about divorce, but she tells me she loves me. However, she's made it clear that her family comes first.

Should I end this?—On the Back Burner

Dear Back Burner: Divorce seems a bit hasty, don't you think? Going to a children's event for which there are only three tickets is no cause for concern. A short women-only trip with family is also no big deal. Happily married couples do not insist on doing everything together. It's a sign of insecurity. If you went to a football game with a friend, would Carlene have to come along? Of course not.

The real problem is the impression you have that her family comes before you, and that is what needs to be addressed. Tell Carlene you'd like to get some counseling to help you deal with this and you hope she will come with you.

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married almost 30 years. We get along great, but he finds fault with some of the smallest things and blows them totally out of proportion. He makes a big deal if I don't lock the door, don't turn off a light or if the bathroom water faucet isn't turned tightly enough.

Annie, he does some of these same things, and I never say a word about it. I just fix the problem. Why is it such a major production for him? — Going Crazy