The show that the producers of "Vanished" told me I had watched sounds a lot more interesting than the show I actually watched. And I don't think that's a good thing.

The pilot of "Vanished," which airs tonight at 8 on Fox/Ch. 13, plays like a standard kidnapping drama. Sara (Joanne Kelly), the young wife of U.S. Sen. Jeffrey Collins (John Allen Nelson), disappears in the middle of a charity dinner. Leading the search is tortured (ho-hum) FBI agent Graham Kelton (Gale Harold) and his partner, Len Mei (Ming-Na).

There are all kinds of supporting characters — the senator's ex-wife (Penelope Ann Miller), his children from that marriage (Margarita Levieva, John Patrick Amedori), a nasty TV reporter (Rebecca Gayheart), a man from Sara's past, other FBI agents and so on and so on — who have stories of their own. Or so we're led to believe. But, all in all, it's a rather unremarkable debut, full of cliches, wooden performances and unsuspenseful suspense. Which doesn't bode well given that this is the hour that's supposed to turn us onto the show and make us tune in every week as the mystery plays out.

Then, much to the surprise of a lot of us who had seen the pilot, the folks at Fox told us that the show is about "a century-old conspiracy that's uncovered, but can threaten the course of history."

Huh? Didn't see that.

Executive producer Josh Berman assures us that they have "laid in a couple of clues in the pilot that will make more sense over the course of the series. When they actually become relevant to the investigation is something I don't quite want to get to yet, but it will be over the course of the season. And the conspiracy is something that was hatched."

He was vague about all of it, revealing nothing except that there's nothing supernatural about it, and the "conspiracy is based on real historical events." And, he insisted, "There is nothing straightforward about this show. And I think we'll keep the viewers guessing."

I'm not so sure. The show he describes sounds much better than the one you'll see if you tune in tonight. But tonight's underwhelming debut isn't going to get many viewers all excited about adding "Vanished" to the list of shows they'll commit to watch every week.

It's easy to talk a good game about a TV show. It's harder to produce a good show. While there's evidence of the former in regard to "Vanished," there's little evidence of the latter.

IF YOU'VE NEVER WATCHED "PRISON BREAK," tune in to the first couple of minutes of tonight's second-season premiere (7 p.m., Ch. 13) and you'll be all caught up. Well, not really, but you'll be caught up enough to jump into the series.

Season 2 picks up right where Season 1 left off — the authorities are in hot pursuit of the escapees. Michael (Wentworth Miller), who masterminded the escape, and his brother, Lincoln (Dominic Purcell), who was wrongly sentenced to die for killing the president's brother — who's not really dead — remain at the center of the action, along with the guys they escaped with. (And Michael is still headed for Tooele, where the show's version of D.B. Cooper buried his money.)

The focus of "Prison Break" has shifted, however. Characters like the warden (Stacy Keach) will be phased out, and Special Agent Alexander Mahone (Bill Fitchner of "Invasion") comes aboard as the man in charge of catching the fugitives. And he seems almost as brilliant as Michael.

There's still plenty of action and some big surprises. (One regular from Season 1 goes out with a bang — literally — in tonight's episode.) "Prison Break" isn't as good as "24," but it's the second-best serial thriller on network TV.

---

E-mail: pierce@desnews.com