Study finds parents, teens share morals

PROVO — It turns out parents and teens are generally on the same page when it comes to moral issues, a new study shows.

A survey of 122 teenagers by a Brigham Young University researcher says teens expect mom or dad to be upset when they violate moral standards like lying, stealing or cheating.

"In moral situations, where most of us can agree about what's right and wrong, youths are OK with parents exercising control and yelling and being upset," said Laura Padilla-Walker, a BYU professor of marriage, family and human development. "Teens usually agree with their parents. They're not usually fighting over whether teens should be honest or about having sex."

Walker and co-author Gustavo Carlo of the University of Nebraska asked the adolescents surveyed to explain how their parents would react to some hypothetical situations and to rate the appropriateness of the reactions. The results are in the August issue of Social Development.

Fights happen when teens feel parents are bent out of shape over lesser mistakes. They might view it as an injustice, for example, if a parent yells about a missed curfew or poor table manners.

"In situations that are non-moral, adolescents are more picky about how parents respond," Walker said. "Those are the things parents need to be more careful about not yelling about, and those are the things parents usually do yell about. The teens want to talk about it, want to discuss it."

That's right, said three 15-year-old Provo girls shopping together at University Mall in Orem.

"Being late doesn't make a difference," Shelbey Ballantyne said. "It's not like you're hurting anybody, as long as you're not doing anything bad or you're not too late."

Maggie Dorrough and Clara Smith don't like it when adults get overly upset if they talk out of turn, roll their eyes or don't do their chores. Ballantyne loves being a teenager and gets along well with her parents, but she becomes frustrated when they misunderstand her intentions.

"They get mad at me when I have an opinion and they think I'm arguing and I'm really not," she said. "I'm also very sarcastic with my friends, but when I'm sarcastic at home they think I'm serious and I'm being mean. I understand why, but it's a habit."

Perception is a big wedge in the generation gap. Parents will be more successful if they coolly discuss problems. It isn't easy: Teens sometimes think their parents are upset and yelling even when parents believe they are calmly talking.

The study also found that teenagers are understanding if parents don't praise them for making correct moral choices. They recognize those as obligatory — but they don't think parents give them credit for the positive behavior teenagers see as optional, like cleaning their rooms.