The worst thing he's ever done is pretend to pass gas during a timeout.

In other entertaining sports news, Japan's Takeru Kobayashi won his sixth straight Independence Day hot-dog competition at Coney Island. He downed 53 3/4 dogs in 12 minutes, which must have been like watching Elvis during a backstage break at the Vegas Hilton.

Kobayashi smashed his old record of 53 1/2, set two years ago.

It's nice to know the drive for excellence is still there.

Kobayashi edged San Jose's Joey Chesnut, who busied himself by cramming franks into his mouth with two hands. But the methodical Kobayashi overtook him in the ninth minute, and it was soon over, 53 3/4 to 52.

This event reminds me of lunch in my junior high school cafeteria. If you didn't shove down your food, you got left alone.

In any case, life's too short to worry non-stop about Barry Bonds and the like. So give yourself a break and start enjoying things. Vote on a silly mascot. Wolf down a hot dog. And for heaven's sake, don't take things too seriously.

If you do find yourself becoming too solemn, lighten up by imagining George Will in a chicken suit.

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E-mail: rock@desnews.com