Stepdaughter refuses to discipline children

Dear Annie: I am married to a man who has a grown daughter, "Stella," with small children. I have two young children from my first marriage.

The problem is that when Stella is at our place, her children are out of control and she does nothing to discipline them and neither does my husband. Stella doesn't like me, and when I try to stop her children from tearing things up and having screaming tantrums, I run into her extreme disapproval. Sometimes she gets mad at me and stops bringing the children around. Then my husband gets upset.

I won't tolerate that type of behavior in children. My husband says it's Stella's problem and he doesn't want to interfere. I have suggested that he visit the grandchildren at Stella's place, but he wants me to go with. I love the kids, Annie, but I just can't stand it when I'm the . . . —Wicked Stepmother

Dear Stepmother: If Stella refuses to discipline her children, it is their loss. In your home, try to put up with the noise, or set up a play space for them in a separate room or back yard. You also can take a stroll to the nearest park. If they are damaging your property, insist that your husband visit Stella elsewhere, and by all means, go with him. If they jump on her sofa and break her dishes, what do you care? Plaster a smile on your face and say nothing.

Dear Annie: I work in a very small office. A co-worker has recently taken up gum chewing. This person is in his 60s and ought to have manners by now.

He constantly snaps, crackles and pops bubbles, even while you are speaking directly to him. He spends much of his day on the phone, and we can hear the popping noises even when he is providing customer service. He also chews with his mouth open and clips his nails at his desk.

We've complained to management, but no one wants to offend this person. Please tell me what we can do, because someone will surely snap soon. —Frazzled

Dear Frazzled: Your co-worker may be trying to give up a bad habit (like smoking) and is using the gum as a substitute. First try the direct-but-friendly approach: "I'm sure you don't realize how loud your gum chewing is. Any possibility you can tone it down?" If that doesn't work, inform management that the customers can hear the gum popping and it could hurt business. If all else fails, try headphones, a fan or some other white-noise assistance to block out the sound.