Derby Girls on track in Salt Lake

Becoming a Salt City Derby Girl really doesn't require unusual attire, the woman called Brew Ha-Ha! explains. In other words, you don't need to look like her: jet black hair with a crimson ponytail, electric blue nail polish, tattoos on the legs and arms.

"A lot of — I don't want to say normal, but very conservative people — do this," says Brew Ha-Ha! That is if you call working as a pharmacist by day but calling yourself Queen Anne's Revenge on weekends "conservative." Or if visiting the doctor for a dislocated shoulder (as did Brew Ha-Ha!) or broken ankle (as did Mojo JoJo) counts as normal.

All in a day's work and play for the Salt City Derby Girls (SCDG).

"We have everything represented," Brew Ha-Ha! says. "Every size, every shape, every background, every body type."

Come and see for yourself.

But bring your first-aid kit.

"Ain't no crying in derby," adds Brew.

If you want to see what it takes to be a card-carrying member of SCDG, there are two options in the near future. First is in today's Pride Parade. The Derby Girls will be the ones wearing bruises. Another option is to concede to your primal self and join the SCDG. Tryouts are at the Hollywood Connection in West Valley City, June 12, 7 p.m.

At this point they're not looking for beginners. If you've never crashed to the track floor and peeled off a couple of layers of skin, this may not be for you. Not that roller derby is without rules. Shouldering an opponent off the track is fine but elbowing, scratching and biting is outlawed.

"I'm not saying that doesn't happen," Brew says wryly, "but it's not supposed to."

Yeah, neither is indigestion, but ... The Salt City Derby Girls began nearly a year ago when Brew Ha-Ha! (participants don't use their real names) decided to organize a league. Teams were springing up in major markets nationwide, so why not here? She set up a Web site and began recruiting.

Part of the process involved selecting competition names.

Quickly they began appearing: Nelly the Fat Kid, Saya Prayers, Sophanda Pain, Tilly Thunder Thighs, Bust-a-Gut and Yanita Beating.