Off-the-cuff slogans for team a little off

Not being anadvertising/marketing professional, I've made no serious study of slogans. No one could call me an expert. I am, however, a citizen/consumer, which qualifies me to put in my two cents. After all, who are they trying to reach, if not citizen/consumers?

In my humble citizen/consumer opinion, the tourism slogan for the state of Utah is weak. Is the best we can come up with — after 7 1/2 months of brainstorming — "Life Elevated"? Why not settle for "Please Visit" or "Outsiders Welcome"?

Still, "Life Elevated" is a step up from "A Pretty, Great State," which was a Pretty Weak Slogan a few years ago. And things could be worse.

We could be the State of Washington, which took 18 months to come up with this: "Say WA?"

Sometimes branding is magic, but other times bad things happen.

Slogans are supposed to make people want to visit someplace or buy something, but often end up just annoying them. Take, for instance, the slogan of Philadelphia: "Philly's Got Benergy!" It's supposed to commemorate the 300th birthday of Ben Franklin. Get it?

Neither do I.

It's not just cities and states that bank their hopes on catchy phrases. This year's Jazz slogan, for example, was "Pure Adrenaline Rush."

Was that supposed to occur before or after Jarron Collins checked into the game?

They probably should have called it "Pure Ambien Rush."

In 2004-2005, the Jazz theme was "I Can't Wait!" Turns out we could. And did. The Jazz won 26 games.

In 2002, the Jazz opened the season with a theme so exciting, so undeniable, so utterly irresistible, that they kept it for two seasons: "Real Fans. Real Players. Real Fun."

Real disappointment, too. The Jazz were as exciting to watch as melting ice.

In the interest of truth in advertising, I feel compelled to lend a hand to the Jazz for the upcoming marketing campaign. Team officials are probably planning next year's theme right about now. I don't expect to set their phones ringing or send their season ticket sales skyrocketing. I'll be happy just knowing I've made the world a more straightforward place.

Here are a few of my slogan ideas for the Jazz in 2006-2007. They're not great, but I didn't take 18 months to think them up, either.

"Buy a Season Pass and We'll Retire Your Number, too."

"Hopin' for the Playoffs."