Culture of dating today makes it tough to wed

Many adults wonder why young people are waiting so long to get serious about marriage. If we are going to help young people move toward establishing good marriages, we need to understand the issues they face.

Pessimism about marriage. Having grown up in a society saturated with divorce, many young people are pessimistic about their chances of having a happy marriage. Nearly one in three young adults today agree with the statement, "One sees so few good or happy marriages that one questions it as a way of life." Simply put, when it comes to marriage, many young adults today have high aspirations but low expectations.

Getting ahead before getting wed. The responsibilities of adulthood in past generations centered on caring for one's spouse, providing for a family and nurturing children — all of which involved duties toward others. However, recent research reveals that young people no longer consider marriage and parenthood to be criteria for adulthood. Instead, many young people are focusing their attention on personal responsibility and financial independence.

Hanging out and hooking up. The "dating" culture has become a "hanging out" culture. Several studies have found that traditional dating, where a man asks a woman out on a date and pays for the evening's events, is becoming rare. The common pattern today is for the young to informally "hang out"— in a group or with just each other — rather than go on planned dates.

Sexual permissiveness. Along with hanging out, today's dating culture is one often characterized by casual attitudes toward sexual relationships. Even though premarital sexual behavior has been shown to be a significant risk factor limiting future marital success, single life in American culture has become synonymous with sexual experimentation in noncommittal romantic relationships.

Acceptance of cohabitation. Recent research shows that 62 percent of young adults believe living together before marriage is a good way to avoid eventual divorce, and more than half of all marriages in America today are preceded by cohabitation. However, studies on cohabitation and later marital success have consistently found that couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who do not cohabit before marriage.