"When I retired, I just couldn't let it go. I knew I needed to write my (self-published) book and explain there were reasons I left. It's not against the Mormon church, it's that I didn't fit." Her father's journals told about her life and choices from his perspective, so the Rev. Roddy said she wrote a book to describe the same events from her own vantage point.

She said she knows others who have left the LDS faith and "are immediately cast into outer darkness by their family. They're not 'in' so they are 'out' — and there has to be some way of finding a way to respect each other so we can love each other."

She believes much of the anger within Utah culture over the influence and dominance of the LDS Church "comes from people like myself," who left their family faith for a variety of reasons, only to find things they miss about a church they now feel estranged from — one that, from the Rev. Roddy's perspective, has changed greatly in recent decades with issues like priesthood authority being extended to black members.

"There were a lot of people left behind in all these changes. There's got to be some way of bridging that or bringing us on board in Utah, with some respect and understanding that there were reasons that we left. It's not just that Satan was making us question the church." She now claims Mormonism as her identity, while serving as an Episcopal priest.

Most of all, the Rev. Roddy said, she wants healing for the community at large, and more especially, for herself, by participating in community dialogue. "I want my daughter back," she said.

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E-mail: carrie@desnews.com