Just because you can, does that mean you should?

This is a problem that many of us are faced with each day, from our homes, board rooms to halls of Congress.

Forcing our will on others is definitely a control issue. It is our insecurities that cause us to use every tactic we know to compel others into doing things our way.

We are given our children to train into responsible adults. If we make all their decisions for them, they will never know the joy or disappointment of their actions.

Just this week I was discussing summer camp with a dear friend who owns Rockbrook Camp. He explained to me that children rarely get the chance to pick the activities they are involved in when they are at home. At camp they have the opportunity to make their own decisions, while living day-to-day with the result of their actions. This is teaching our children to be responsible adults.

When we expose our children to the perfectionism of our parents and their parents, we rob them of joy — the joy comes from doing a job that makes them happy because they wanted to do it instead of being forced.

What good does it do you, if you MAKE someone do something? You are then the all-powerful controlling head of the house.

So what if you can push your will on others? Wouldn't it be much nicer if they did things without being asked?

You have expectations and when the job isn't done, you get mad, yell, pout, or even do things like pitching a fit to get your way. You may be one of those silent passive aggressive types who puts up little signs to show your disapproval of their actions. This is really sad! Bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die!

It is fine to ask for help. It is not good to assume that your family knows what you expect.

I don't expect you to do all the work in the house. I do expect you to set a good example for your family. This attitude of "you are going to do this or else" sucks the life right out of you. Why do we do play these games with our family, ourselves and society?

I am trying to teach you how to find peace in your life.

This is not about teaching your family how to act! All I can do is help you to realize self-destructive behavior. Our FLYing techniques are just for you. The corresponding change in your family is the result of your loving attitude. I know you don't love housework, but you love blessing your family. When housework becomes a labor of love, then you will be really FLYing (Finally Loving Yourself)!

Your attitude determines your altitude! How high do you want to FLY!

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Marla Cilley, a k a FlyLady, is the author of "Sink Reflections" (Bantam Books Trade Paperback). For more help, please go to: www.FlyLady.net. © 2006